Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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