Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
