one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize