i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
