We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
