Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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