I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
