I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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