my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
