better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
