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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
