does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i have two assholes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
