hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
