He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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