my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
