ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
