ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
