I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
