It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
