I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
