She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
