I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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