I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
