all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
