Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize