we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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