so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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