is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
