Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize