I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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