why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
