just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
