Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
