the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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