she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
