so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
