Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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