Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
