OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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