OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
