3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
