Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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