So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
BRING THE BAGELS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
