bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
