somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
