party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
