I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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