On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you had me at cake vodka
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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