So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
