dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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