Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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