this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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