I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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