She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
