1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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