and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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