Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
