I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
