well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
