I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
