it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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