I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
