need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
