i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
