i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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