My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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