You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
