8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
