Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
