Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
