The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize