I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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