What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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