I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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