hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
