i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
