apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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