i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
