I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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