I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
