Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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