when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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