I cannot find my penis.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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