i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
