I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
