I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
