i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
porn star boner night. come get it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
