if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
