A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The air taste purple.
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