My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hippo gnu deer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
