i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
