and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
