I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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