what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
