we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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