Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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