my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
