a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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