White coat. Heels.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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