her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
